I think we can all agree that Love is a roller coaster! One of the best books I have read that helps explain “love” to me and explains why I act and feel the way I do is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It breaks down how you and your significant other interpret love. Honestly, it opened my eyes and changed the way I show love to my husband.
It is a very common mistake to show love to your mate in the same way that you interpret love. While I may feel loved through Quality Time, Josh feels love through Physical Touch. If we didn’t know this about each other, it would make our relationship a rocky ride! Here’s a quick overview of the Five Love Languages. If you have time, try taking the short quiz at the end to find your love language!
This love language is about focusing 100% of your energy on your mate while you are spending time together. It is sharing your thoughts and experiences together and giving back and forth responses that let you know the other is listening! If this is your language, you could spend a romantic dinner with your fiance or an entire night watching TV together and never feel like you spent true quality time together! Get out and do interactive activities together, creating memories AND communicating love!
If your partner’s love language is Receiving Gifts, you need to understand that they respond to visual symbols of love. Without the symbols, they can become discouraged in the relationship. This does not mean they expect diamond rings on a weekly basis. These gifts don’t need to cost a lot, just something small and thoughtful to remind them that you are thinking of them. Understand your partner’s love language is important even for the Savers among us. If your partner feels loved when you give them gifts, it’s OK to splurge now and then!
Acts of Service:
Laundry might not be how you typically spend your Sunday afternoon, but if your wife’s love language is Acts of Service, you might need to reconsider. This love language interprets love by seeing the one they love go outside of their normal habits and help them with acts that they view as important. You could be doing chores all day long, but if you aren’t focusing on the activities that they see as a high priority, you will not be saying to your partner, “I love you”. Also, you need to insure that you are doing these acts out of love, not guilt or obligation or because you have to, but because you want to show your significant other how much you love them!
In order for someone with this love language to feel secure in the relationship, they need to feel your physical touch. A hug can solve any crisis and a small kiss on the forehead can scream “I Love You!” Everyone is different as to what they are sensitive to and what is uncomfortable for them. If your partner needs your touch to feel loved, you need to work with them to figure out what they see as a loving touch. You might need to work on being more affectionate in public if you aren’t one to typically do this.
Words of Affirmation:
This love language needs words to help build them up. Their confidence in the relationship and in themselves will only grow as they hear sweet words from their partner. Even as simple as, “you look great today,” or “that meal you cooked was delicious” will make them feel loved! If this is your partner’s love language, make a point to compliment them more often than you normally would. No matter how trivial you may think it is, they will appreciate it!
I truly think understanding your partner’s love language is so important. Just as important is understanding your own. If your husband is not into talking about his emotions and the touchy-feely, and you realize that Words of Affirmation make you feel loved, you will be able to approach the conversation with him gently armed with that knowledge! If your wife isn’t one for gifts, and you know your love language is Receiving Gifts, you can explain it to her rationally instead of resenting her for it!
**Take this Short Quiz and discover your love language…you might be surprised!
You could also purchase the book and read in more detail about each one. You can get the book at Amazon or check your local library!