Ask Bubbly: How Do I Fire A Bridesmaid?
Are you able to fire bridesmaids? and if so, how do you do it?
I’m 6 months into my year-long engagement and one of my life long friends and I got into a serious fight. Before you tell me to wait a few weeks or a month to see if this will blow over, I’ll tell you right away it won’t. Unfortunately there are some dis-agreements that aren’t repairable, at least in the near 6 month future. I’ve accepted the situation and want to move forward but I know I need to have the conversation about her no longer being in the wedding.
Is there any etiquette I should be careful of or any suggestions to make this as pain-free as possible?
One too many bridesmaids
Hi One too many,
I hear your frustrations and I understand how you are between a rock and a hard place. It’s not easy to confront someone who has been a friend for a long time and ask them to step down as a bridesmaid. Hopefully this will be a mutual decision and she won’t have much push back on the decision.
First, you need to decide if you still want her to come to the wedding. Just because you don’t want her standing in the front next to you doesn’t mean you don’t want her at the ceremony.
Also, if she was a friend for awhile, my guess is her family may also be included on the guest list? Figure out before you confront her if you still want her family coming. I would urge you to be careful to start cutting people who are connected to this one friend. You don’t want to regret anything a year from now.
Ok, back to the actual conversation that needs to happen sooner than later. You have hopefully calmed down from your initial fight with your friend. Invite her to grab coffee with you in a public and neutral location.
Be honest with her about how you feel and keep your comments focused on you. Use statements with I, instead of accusing her, which will only make her go on the defense. Let her know that you still want her at the wedding, or don’t, but be direct, don’t leave anything unclear.
After you have said your peace, stop talking. Let her have her time. Your only job here is to LISTEN! Give her chance to express her thoughts, you don’t have to agree with them – but if you want to avoid another fight just let her talk. When she’s done, and you don’t have anything else POSITIVE to add to the conversation, go your separate ways. You have a wedding to plan!
Focus on all of the positive events you have coming up and don’t let this get you down. You have a long list of people who care deeply for you and this is where your energy should be focused.
Good Luck and email me if you have any more questions!
Do you have a wedding planning question? Email me at caroline @ bubblybride dot com.