Advice sent from a true gentlemen and happily married man! This is for you boys

• Always put the toilet seat down
• Place dirty clothes in the hamper/laundry bag instead of the floor
• Carefully choose the side of bed you sleep on your first night after marriage…..you will spend the next 30 years sleeping on that side
• If a household repair needs to be done, save time, money pain and suffering by paying someone else to fix it
• When asked if her shoes match her outfit, always answer with the question “How do you like them?”. She already knows the answer, she wants to prove you don’t.
• If she asks if an outfit makes her look fat, immediately respond with faking an injury and getting out of the room.
• If she is upset, go ahead and say you’re sorry. You can figure out later what you did.
• When she experiments with new recipes that don’t work, use adjectives such as interesting, exotic, “once in a lifetime” taste. If that doesn’t work, fake an injury and get out of the room
• Finally, always remember when Mom is happy, everyone in the house is happy!!

What is more advice from grooms or newlywed men to share on how to stay married and enjoy every moment?!

Our top ten list of how to stay happily married for 25 years, and plan to stay that way another 50………….

1.  Marry the right person. Sounds obvious, but we knew without a doubt that God intended us to be together.  We had no doubts when we got married, and we have no doubts now that we married the right person.  Real love doesn’t stop or quit.

2.  Put God first. We can’t imagine the highs and lows of marriage (and these are inevitable) without God as the reason for our existence, our finding each other, and our purpose here on earth.

3.  Be nice. This just says it all.  Just be nice.  Your husband/wife is your partner for life, your best friend, your soulmate, and the love of your life.  Treat him/her better than you would treat the most important person on earth.

4.  Don’t expect them to meet all your needs. Even though your spouse is all those things (or should be) in number 3, that doesn’t mean their sole purpose is to meet every one of your needs.  Have your own friends, hobbies, interests, and activities.  These are all good and it’s okay to pursue them.

5.  Accept each other for the person they are, just as you expect them to accept you. As you grow older, you change a bit and things that were endearing when you first dated, now seem to be utterly annoying.    (It’s funny how that happens.)  Talk about it, decide what’s worth worrying about together, and accept the rest.  We were opposites when we married and those differences have balanced our relationship, so don’t upset that balance.  Give each other room for growth.

6.  Push the cart. My husband likes going to the grocery store, but hates pushing the cart.  I hate going to the grocery store, the only part I like is pushing the cart.  (See above, opposites attract!)  So we go together, and I push the cart.  Pick up the slack for each other, if there’s something you hate doing, ask for help, and vice versa.  Compromise can be fun if you are willing to put forth the effort.

7.  Laugh. Find the funny.  With four kids, there is always funny.  Find it.  This is SO important.  Do silly things to make each other laugh.

8.  Let them know that they are, and always will be, the only one. And remind them often.  There is no room in a marriage for flirtations with the opposite sex, and we don’t feel that there is such a thing as “harmless flirtation.”  Have only eyes for each other.  This is really easy when you marry the right person. 

9.  Once in awhile, do something you hate just to make them happy. Yes, this includes the grocery store, but what sticks in my mind is dragging my husband to Broadway musicals.  This is my favorite activity and he started out hating it.  I remember seeing Riverdance, which neither of us was too thrilled about it, actually.   We got home and when the kids asked “How was it?” my husband performed his very own little Irish dance recital in the kitchen -straight arms, rapid kicks, – the works!  I laughed so hard (see #7) that I fell to the floor.  The lesson?  He did something he didn’t want to do to please me, made me laugh hysterically with his instant replay at home, and that is what I’ll always remember about that night, even though the show itself is a distant memory.   P.S.  He actually likes most of the musicals now!

10.  Love each other out loud. Say “I love you.”  Give compliments and mean them.  Pull them up when they need it.  Brag about them in public.  Let them know, and remind them often, that they are the love of your life.  Be grateful every day for each other!

**I am so grateful for all of the GREAT marriage advice offered to all of Bubbly’s upcoming brides** Keep the top ten lists coming!!

Thirty Years so Far, Thirty More to Go.

The Magic…………

Hold Hands……Entwining your fingers when holding hands creates a connection of constant contact. Whether walking along a road or just sitting holding hands, the touch keeps a constant communication, a flow of electricity, between each other. A gentle squeeze or small tug can communicate enormous yet private feelings without ever uttering a word!

Pursue Romance…..Romance is everywhere in a healthy marriage. Intimacy can begin while digging in the garden, exchanging volleys on a tennis court, twirling across a dance floor, watching your daughter take her first steps or creating a recipe in the kitchen. It is the full sharing of the moment that makes it “just yours” that creates the intimacy and leads to the romantic magic of marriage.

Keep Your Personal Priorities Straight…….God First, Spouse second, Kids Third, Family Fourth, Close Friends Fifth, then whatever. Build a hedge of protection around these important people and defend them with all your heart. Repel invaders such as electronic devices, hobbies, destructive habits and, sometimes, even well intended friends. Time and energy are too precious to waste on anything but the highest priorities.

Keep Your Shared Priorities Straight……Too much has been written about money problems in marriage. Money often is not the problem. Having different priorities that lead to how money is going to be spent is the real problem. Talk long and talk often about what is important to you, listen to what is important to your spouse, compromise and commit….and keep the commitments! Over 30 years lots of priorities change. Communicating and moving as one is what makes it work!

Live Below your Means….Start out with this commitment to each other and keep it. Accountability to each other is hard along the way but during the tough times, having financial margin will save the day (and the relationship)!

Learn to say “I Love You, (insert name)”….make these words the first words your spouse hears in the morning, the last words your spouse hears at night and often hears in surprise midday calls, secret notes hidden in random places and soft whispers in the middle of the night. Always saying her name reminds her it is for her and only her!

Learn some other Important Phrases…….”Please”, “Thank You” and “I’m Sorry”. These are common courtesies we use with people all around us everyday but all too often we forget to use with people in priorities one through four above. Say “please” even if it is expected, say “thank you” whether it is needed or not and say your “I’m sorry” even when you’re not entirely sure what you did wrong. This advice is particularly directed to us husbands!

Be Partners…….Each member of the marriage has different gifts, talents and passions. Understand what each of you is good at, appreciate/celebrate the differences, py up the work and trust each other to do whatever it is as well as they can for the good of both of you. Sometimes neither of you are good at some things, then celebrate those things too (and hire someone else to do that stuff)

Give Grace, Accept Grace…….Marriages of 30+ years have “moments” that cause tension, disappointment, feeling of failure, unmet expectations etc. Grace, the giving of undeserved forgiveness, is sometimes all there is to do. You have to be always ready to give it and to receive it. If not, the alternative is a cancer of guilt that will grow and consume your relationship.

Always Assume Forever……The wedding has vows that are given to each other but are given as a commitment to God. You become one in His eyes. If you accept the “forever” in that commitment, the priorities, the grace, the hand holding, the “hedge of protection” and the partnership all become easier.

Make Marriage an Adventure……For some that means exotic travel or wild rides. For us, it has been being side by side, living in the moment, keeping our priorities and having GPS (God’s Power Steering). That always leads to unexpected adventure!

50 years is a long and wonderful time to commit to one person.  I can’t imagine how it feels to be married to someone for 50 years and know so much about that one person to the point where you truly become one. Your lives are so intertwined and enhanced by each other you are changed for the better because you knew them.  We were lucky enough to receive a list of top ten from two people who love each other and have stuck by each other’s side for the good times and the not so good times, for better for worse. I think its interesting as we gather more and more tips and inspirations how many of them seem to go along with one another – but each couple has a way of saying it in their own way!

Tips for a successful marriage after 50 years.

1.   There must be Love…
2.   Keep God in your marriage…
3.   Patience…
4.   Sense of humor…
5.   Don’t think you can change them…
6.   Develop similar interests….
7.   Keep your girlfriends….
8.   Keep your individual interests, both of you…
9.   Family over self…
10. Its not about the money, but it helps.

I am starting a new series this week and hope you all enjoy it – even participate if you want!  I am surveying couples of all different levels in their marriage and all different personalities to see what their tips/inspirations and lessons learned have been over the years.

I strongly believe marriage is a choice every day.  You wake up and you choose to love the person you committed to years before, and you choose to make your life and theirs the best it can possibly be. Marriage can be a lot of fun and marriage can be work, but overall marriage is compromise, growing together and growing as an individual.  I love being married and I have only been officially married for a little over 2 years. I have already learned more than I thought I ever would about my wonderful husband!

Below you will find our top 10 to marriage after 2 years:

1. Laugh – Josh and I have been though some of the funniest, most stressful and toughest situations in the past two years but for some reason in the middle of the everything we will find humor in the moment and start to laugh together.  Laughter has a way of making you forget what you were talking about in the beginning and start off together on the right foot. We love watching comedy together and love quoting funny shows and stand up that we have seen together. Laughter is a big part of our relationship and one of our favorite things to do together!

2. Avoid Electronic Distractions – Once a week Josh and I will try to step back from everything electronic.  It is so easy for your time to be spent on the computer, watching television or with your phone – you often forget to do some of the simplest things such as eat dinner at an actual dinner table.  When you turn off electronic devices you may realize how long it has been since you have just talked.  Try going for a walk together in the summer to enjoy your city or town or learn to play chess together.

3. Make time for Sex – Yes, sex. It is one of the most intimate parts of a marriage and with stress, busy work days, TV shows and computers – couples are putting sex off until later…or never. There have been many studies that show when couples are having a healthy sex life they feel more confident in their marriage and closer to their partner.

4. Funday Monday- We call it Funday Monday.  Every Monday a group of my girlfriends get together either at dinner, shopping or at one of our apartments to just gossip, vent and do girly things.  While I am with them Josh gets together with his guy friends and is able to spend time catching up with them. I think there is something so important to maintaining your close friends and spending time with them on a regular basis.  You are able to learn and talk to women in a way that your husband isn’t always able to, and the same with men –  I can’t fulfill that part of Josh, and that’s fine!  Get out and spend an evening every now and then doing separate things that you love to do with your closest friends, you will appreciate each other more – trust me!

5. Fold the Laundry – One of my personal marriage suggestions is to fold the laundry. I say this because I hate scrubbing pots and pans and Josh will avoid laundry like the plague…  My point is, find what you each enjoy doing and do it – and help each other out where you may not be as enthusiastic. If someone cooks, the other cleans in our apartment. If Josh cleans the kitchen I am on bathroom duty that weekend - but find a balance and make it work. 20 minutes of power pickup around the house together will be spent much happier than one of you trying to do it all in an hour or so.

6. Keep Each Other Healthy – When you are married your life becomes combined with another and eventually with kids your family depends on you taking care of yourself and each other.  When you are eating the right foods and working out, naturally endorphins are released in your body and you will feel happier and more fulfilled.  Be each other’s accountability partner – find activities that get you moving and you enjoy doing. Get the junk out of your kitchen and only keep clean, healthy food in your pantry. By working out together you will be more confident with your body and proud to show of your good looking husband or wife!

7. Trust – Josh and I have been dating since we were in high school – after four years of college we can both say we learned a lot about trust.  I am sure this will get easier as we get older, but currently at our young age there are still a lot of single guys and girls on the prowl.  Josh and I have always had trust in each other and our relationship which helped us avoid many arguments that could have come up over the years. I know that Josh loves me and will always protect me and our relationship and vice versa. Trust can be hard, but working together and being open and honest about everything will help you practice trust in your marriage.

8. Write Your Dreams on Paper –  A year ago Josh and I spent 20 minutes sitting next to each other quietly writing down all of our goals, dreams and aspirations on paper.  Next, we spent time talking about them and making a combined “bucket list” which we still share and use today.  We have about 100 items written down spanning from going on an African safari to simply having breakfast in bed together.  Anything little and big we want to do together we have on a combined list – and we have a separate list of goals that are our individual dreams.  Share your individual dreams with each other so as you make decisions in life you can encourage and plan to help each other reach these.

9. You Know Who You Married – I know when I married Josh he always would procrastinate, stay up late and thought bacon would make any food taste better. I on the hand watch bad reality television, arrive early everywhere and am constantly planning my next vacation.  Although I can make salads and veggie burgers for dinner, there is no denying that two years later Josh will add bacon to his meal if given the chance, and he still has no sense of time at night and I love that about him.  He puts up with my need to always have a vacation planned and puts his headphones on when Bachelor or Real Housewives comes on.  We knew who we married and loved each other anyways. You find ways to make each others quirks work instead of trying to change and mold each other into who you want them to be.

10. Always Keep a Surprise up your Sleeve – Whether its a small text saying I love you, a surprise evening on the town, or a note in my work bag we both always enjoy surprising the other.  I think we enjoy this because we can tell that the other is genuinely excited and grateful for the romantic act. For some reason even though we know we love each other, when one of us surprises the other – it lets us know you were thinking about us at that moment and makes us feel loved a little extra.  It’s a great feeling to know someone is thinking about you, especially when that someone is your other half!

**Send me your top 10 advice/tips and suggestions of what works for your marriage**